Godspeed

Bryan returned to Afghanistan on Tuesday, July 10 - five days after Luke was born. Bryan leaving this time might have been the hardest one for me yet. My hormones are still swirling from my pregnancy, I haven't gotten a grip on being a mother of two yet, I haven't caught up on my sleep from the hospital, we haven't spent enough time as a family of 4, I haven't held onto Bryan enough, and he hasn't held me enough either ... 

But my heart doesn't break for me - it breaks for the boys in my life. 

It breaks for my innocent, unknowing children. 

Jack isn't ready to share his father with the world again. And that is what breaks my heart the most. Jack doesn't understand that when his daddy walked out the door yesterday morning, he wasn't going to come back in 8 hours - it was going to be more like 8 months.  We'll be celebrating Jack's 4th birthday when Bryan comes home. 

Luke had 5 days to bond with his father. He'll be 8 months old when he sees him again.

It breaks my heart for my husband. 

While he unselfishly serves our county, he'll miss so many moments in both of children's lives.  Jack is growing leap and bounds. He brings new surprises to us daily - whether it's learning how to snap, reciting his favorite book - verbatim, saying something witty (or really intellectual) or finally growing the courage to put his feet on the bottom of the pool.  Luke will learn how to roll over, sit up, crawl, eat food and possibly walk. He'll start to talk and develop a personality. As many photographs and movies as I can take, they won't fill the gap between Bryan and the boys. I can't give Bryan the evening cuddles and the unasked for "I love yous."

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It's amazing how much you can miss having an arm around you.